Too Many Guests

Well what about my parents? Simple, have each parent make a list of people they want to see at your wedding. Who knows, your parents may want Aunt Lily there. Set some ground rules though, any friends they want have to be people you know well and non-business associates, unless they fit into the friends category. Even if mom and dad are paying you need to make it clear this is your big day and you want them focused on you and your fiance, not the business partners or clients they plan to snag. Once each set of parents has given you their list, go over it with them. If you find people that you don’t agree with inviting, let your parents know and tell them why you don’t agree. Don’t be mean about cutting your parents lists, just explain that this person is not someone you want at your wedding or that you don’t know them well enough to invite them. Again, if there are people on the list that you may consider inviting put them in your column B list.

So it has come to the point in your planning that you need to do the guest list. How are you going to do this without going overboard? Sit down down with your fiance and each write out a list of people you want to invite. Once you have done this, compare lists. Put down a column A and column B. Relatives that you can both agree on put in column A, they are the priority guests. Now go through your list of friends and select your closest friends (your honey has to agree), these closest friends are going to be in column A. Anyone you are not 100% on or you haven’t even seen or spoken to them in the last 5 years, put in column B. You should now only have relatives and close friends in column A. If you want to invite a friend but your husband-to-be doesn’t agree, as hard as it may be, they must go in column B.

What the heck is column B for if Column A is the list I’m going to send invites to? Well column B is for just setting aside the names that you are not completely sure of. Uncle Red may be on a mission trip or business trip on the date of your wedding, so a guest from column B is good to pick to invite in his place. Since you will send out your invitations three months before the big day, some people will say they can’t make it. Again, your guests in column B you may now be able to invite. One rule is though, if your partner is adamant that you not invite someone, then they don’t get to be on either list. Don’t start your marriage off on a sour note by inviting that person, it may be unforgivable in the eyes of your partner. And if you invite someone who doesn’t get along with another invited guest, you have a right to tell them this is your day and they WILL behave themselves or they are not welcome at your wedding. You don’t need the drama, and this is not about them. Don’t want to be the bad guy? Get parents to do it for you or a tough BM or groomsman. It must be understood that being well behaved is key to helping your day be enjoyable. Another key, if they don’t get along with someone else, seat them at different tables and preferably not looking across tables at each other. If in the end you think their disputing will cause you grief or too much work, then give them one warning and cut them if you are still too uneasy. Don’t pick and choose between them, either they both are invited or neither. Believe me it will save you mental stress when you don’t have to say “Well I had to pick one or the other and I picked so and so. Even if it’s grandma and grandpa, they behave or they only get to see the ceremony. If you feel they can’t even handle that then don’t invite them. The best choice is to give them the “behave yourself talk”, let them come and if they can’t handle it have a parent or Wedding party member have them leave. You do not need to deal with it.

It is common to have about 10-20 people not show up for your wedding, so keep this in the back of your mind.

So remember, invite people from column A that are for sure invites. Column B is for the names of less close friends, questionable family and family friends that you are not 100% on. If it’s a person you both can’t agree on or your parents want to invite and you don’t, then their name doesn’t make either list.
Don’t be afraid to make the decision not to invite someone, even if your invited to their wedding. They may have more money to spend on their wedding or you came up a someone in the B list who they liked the idea of inviting. You don’t owe anyone but yourself and your fiance anything other than who you both want there. This is one day where being selfish is okay and you don’t have to explain yourself in great detail. If someone gets upset about not getting an invite, just tell them your list was limited, you wanted to focus on family, or you and your fiance simply chose mutual people. If they can’t understand that, you most likely didn’t need or want them there anyway.


Have fun and don’t worry about missing anyone super important. With the help of your fiance, parents and closest friends all the important people will be there to share the big day with you!

Remember to discuss just how large you want this wedding, because if you want 50 people and you end up with a list of 200, you’re going to have a tough time sorting it out. In this case, invite the people you value the most in your life and add from there. Be realistic in your expectations too. If you have a large family and so does he, your going to end up with a lot of family and there may not be room for more than your very closest friends.